PTDS is Short for “Illogical Fear”

PTDS is Short for “Illogical Fear

I cannot tell if the neighbours are innocently chatting loudly with grand gestures (that I imagine),and brash bursts, or if they are fighting.

That’s all it took to keep me awake, laying in bed trying to ignore them. The more I try to remove awareness the more I become aware of the banging... and my unsettling feeling.

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Meditation isn’t helping.
Soft music isn’t helping.

I don’t believe that I should feel this height of discomfort from the electric activity above me. My fear is displaced from my past. My DD is asleep and no harm eyes her, as neither are the pets nor I in harm. When the PTSD behaviours start misbehaving, sometimes I’m unable to shake it off despite logic. It’s rare that symptoms ignite, but I’m as human as anyone and cannot always get past PTSD.

Discomfort and fear have been hungry vultures these past few days. So many changes are pressing forward and coming to stew that it leaves a lot of page space for “what if” thought bubbles 💭. I saw fast that I needed to pull some things back before the stew boiled over, and have.

What am I afraid of? That the neighbours might fall through the floor that moonlights as my ceiling? That an ex will suddenly show up after 20 years? No. Those things will not happen and I invest no emotions to either.

So why do I feel afraid of everything right now?

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The easiest thing to say is just to not think about it but of course that isn't always easy. Even if there is loud noise enjoying a warm beverage before bed may help ease your tension. Drink some hot chocolate or some warm tea and it may assist you. Just watch out with the sugar because that will keep you up. Lol


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It isn't illogical at all. You've been through things that have effected you. PTSD literally changes your brain (I have it too). Your feelings are valid, even if they are overwhelming. It's like any other trauma to the body; it leaves its mark.
I hope you were able to get some rest. <3

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When the triggers hit it sucks, but once you know what the triggers are it doesn't last that long. Lately my triggers are challenging me a little bit more, but I try to stay ahead of them and only allow them to influence me for a day or so.

You're not alone :)

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You're not alone. I've been feeling some ptsd effects recently and my anxiety levels have gone through the roof for different reasons. Like you said, feeding these mind vultures is what keeps them going around so I found that just getting the thoughts out of your head and down to pen and paper or on the blockchain really helps.

I did that recently and some of the support I've been getting from folks has been warming.

Sending you good vibes 🙂

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PTSD is a serious issue. My wife has some handed down to her from her mother. I never believed this was possible, but I read some scientific studies on the effects of the genocide in Cambodia. Although she was born in a refugee camp in Thailand long after the serious killing and trauma were over, her mother saw things no human should ever witness, day in and day out.

Apparently because there were never any mental health services, and mental illnesses are still virtually unrecognized aside from one hospital in Phnom Penh with 12 dedicated beds, people have never overcome it or learned how to deal with it, and therefore pass on these behaviors to their children.


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Sometimes I feel like my awareness is all there is and this huge overwhelmed feeling of being alone consumes me. Things start to turn to clay in image. I'm thinking, shit I'm dying or am already dead why is everything turning to clay?

Sometimes it feels like the pets that are constantly around me aren't really there. and everything they do behind my back and the people's "murmurs" are them talking about me instead. conspiring. making fun of.

I keep walking forward till I hit my destination. During it all also getting feelings of having no breathe at all. like a lion is sitting on me.

The Paranoia doesn't help. the anxiety doesn't help. the coming and going small panic attacks doesn't help.

So I head somewhere else in my mind. a time where I had already died and met peace. the rekindled flame sparks and I start to feel better knowing that "life" is short.

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